Perfect Pic

A perfect pic..........

Sort & Simple..

Two little boys, ages 8 and 10, are extremely mischievous. They are always getting into trouble and their parents know all about it.

If any mischief occurs in their town, the two boys are probably involved.

The boys' mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. So the mother sent the 8 year old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.

The preacher, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly,

"Do you know where God is, son?"


The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open.

So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone,


"Where is God?!"

Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed,


"Where is God?!"


The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him.

When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"



The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied,





"We are in BIG trouble this time.

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("I just LOVE reading next line again and again")

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GOD is missing, and they think we did it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A beautiful love story - Heart touching

A long time ago, before the world was created and humans set foot on
it, God had put all the human "qualities" in a separate room. Since
all the qualities were bored they decided to play hide & seek.

"Madness" was one of the qualities and he shouted: "I want to count, I
want to count!" And since nobody was crazy enough to want to seek
"Madness", all the other qualities agreed. So "Madness" leaned against
a tree and started to count:

"One, two, and three..." As "Madness" counted, the qualities went
hiding. "Treason" hid in a pile of garbage.. "Lie " said that it would
hide under a stone, but hid at the bottom of the lake. And Madness
continued to count "... seventy nine, eighty, eighty one..." By this
time, all the qualities were already hidden-except "Love ".

For stupid as "Love" is, he could not decide where to hide.
And this should not surprise us, because we all know how difficult it
is to hide "Love".

"Madness": "...ninety five, ninety six, ninety seven..." Just when
"Madness" got to one hundred..... ..."Love" jumped into a rose bush
where he hid.

And Madness turned around and shouted: "I'm coming, I'm coming!" As
Madness turned around, "Laziness" was the first to be found, because
"Laziness" was too lazy to hide. "Madness" searched madly and found
"Lie" at the bottom of the lake. One by one, Madness found them all -
except Love. Madness was getting desperate, unable to find Love.

Envious of Love, "Envy" whispered to "Madness ": "You only need to
find Love, and Love is hiding in the rose bush."
"Madness" Jumped on the rose bush and he heard loud cry. The thorns in
the bush had pierced "Loves" eyes.

Hearing the commotion God came into the room and saw what had
happened. He got very angry and cursed "Madness" and said since "Love"
has become blind because of u... ..u shall always be with him"

And so it came about that from that day on, Love is blind and is
always accompanied by Madness.!

Jokes

Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer : Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh : Ok
Interviewer : Made in India
Banta Singh : Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer : Keep it Up
Banta Singh : Put it Down
Interviewer : Maxi Mum
Banta Singh : Mini Dad
Interviewer : Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Don't take my seat
Interviewer : Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh : Clever! Don't take my Seat Interviewer : I say you get out!
Banta Singh : You didn't say I come in
Interviewer : I reject you!
Banta Singh : You Appoint me
Interviewer: ........!!!!!!!


Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: two days before his funeral.


Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of
parents achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes I have.

Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it. |
Banta Singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of
Dead Sea?
Santa Singh : Yes I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.

Typical Conversation between Lovers

Note: Conversation ke beech, within brackets jo hai, woh ladka apne aap se
keh raha hai ( He is talking to himself)



She Gives a missed call to him .. and he calls her back..

She: Hello!

He: (are yaar...Raat ke 10 bajte nahin ki iski 2-2 second waali missed calls shuru..pata nahi aaj kya bore karegi ) Hi ...kya baat hai..?

She: kuch nahi...bas aise hi phone kiya...

He: ( Aise hee ye kya radio station hai ki aise hee .. velli !! Aur Call kahan kiya ?.. khali missed call to diya hai, roz ki tarah... ) oh...ok ..kya kar
rahi thi meri jaan ??

She: abhi abhi dinner khatam kiya...tum kya kar rahe the?

He: (mai to lunch karke utha hoon na) mera bhi abhi abhi dinner khatam hua.. ab...."Ladki Kyon Najaane Kyon"
sun raha hu FM par....

She: nice song..

(And then she hums a line from the song "Hum Tum")


He: ( yaaaaaaaaarrrrr .. kyun bola gaane ka naam .. ab ye Madonna saare raag gaa degi yaheen .. Saala wahan koi chipkali 'kich kich' kar rahi hai ya .. ) hey!!!! tum
itni achchi gaati ho? mujhe pata hi nahi tha ..

She: *giggles*

He: (ohhhho kya hansti hai .. aisa lag raha hai koi gaadi start kar raha hai) Hey ek aur baar gaao na pls!

She: yaha sab so rahe hai...agar main gaaongi to sab uth jaaenge..

He: ( Ekdum Correct...woh yehi samjhenge ki koi bhootni hai, kisi baat par nataaz ho gayi hai ... ) Come on! Please!

She: hattt ...I don't sing that well

He: ( yeh to saari duniya ko pata hai... paka kyun rahi hai ) It was really sweet. Please
gaao na dear ..

She: mujhe kuch ajeeb sa lagta hai jaan ..

He: (mujhe tujhse jyada ajeeb lagta hai, dekh phyr bhi shaheed hone ko tayaar baitha hoon) aisa kuch bhi nahi hai jaanu...gaao na
She: tumhi keh sakte ho... warna …

He: ( mai? saala mere ko doosra raasta nahi hai....is liye bola ) abhi tum
gaaogi ya nahi?

She: kyun pareshaan kar rahe ho?
He: Sigh! Ok

She: I don't have that great a voice .. ye to aise hee gaa diya tha ... warna mai nahin gaati

He: ( fir aise hee bada ehsaan karti agar nahin gaati .. kaan mai se khoon nikalne waala hai .. saala gadha bhi sharma jaaye teri awaaz sunke.. ) hmmmm

She: theek hai... jab itni zid kar rahe ho... sirf ek stanza gaaungi theek
hai??

He: ( abbe teri !!! fas gayaaaaa ... shittttt .. aur kya kya jhelna padega malum nahi.. ) Great!!!!

She: kaunsa gaana gaau ?

He: ( tum kuch bhi gaao... meri to aaj by default neend haraam hai.. )Hmmmm. 'Mahiya'
from Awarapan?

She: Nice song. But mujhe lyrics yaad nahi hai

He: ( Thank God .. Text book chhodke tujhe aur kya pata hai bol ... ) Dhoom Machale?

She: Nahi main wohi gaana gaaungi
He: ( Aye tere nakhre .. mai to jaise mara jaa raha hoon teri awaaz sun ne ke liye shakira .. koi bhi gaana gaa....mere kaan to pakne waale hai ) Cool


(She clears her throat, hums a line and then)


She: Nahi jaan. I am feeling very shy!

He: (to shuru kyun hoti hai .. ek bar shuru hokar khatam kyun nahin karti jaldi jaldi .. ab kya eden gardens book karun, tab gayegi) Gaao na...pls gaao na....teri awaaz ki samundar me main doob jaana chahta hoon

She: dekho...ab tum mujhe naaraaz kar rahe ho ..

He: ( Achchha ab tujhe manaane mai poore sheher ko phool leke bhejun kya ) No no. Tum shy feel kar rahi ho
na....is liye... Trying to make u comfortable ..

She: Hmmm…

He: ( ye makkhi ki tarah kya shuru ho gayi) please gaao na darling ..

She: main kal gaaun ?

He: Haaaaaannnn...jaaan bachi... nikal leta hoon...abhi mauka hai ) theek hai jaisi tumhaari
merzi

She: Hmmm

He: Good night

She: Good night

She: Sweet Dreams.. Take care...

He: Sweets dreams to u too... (kaahe ke sweet dreams .. sone degi tab na ayenge dreams .. abhi 2 minute mai fir call karegi bore karne ke liye)


After a while She calls Him (sorry...that never happens, she gives only a
missed call) ...


She: Hey.. so gaye the kya?

He: ( nahi...current ka aavishkaar kar raha tha...ab teri call ke baad aadmi ke clones banaunga ) nahi jaan.

She: kya kar rahe ho?

He: ( raat ko kya gili danda khelna hai... ) Match dekh raha tha
She: theek hai tum match dekho

He: ( phone rakhegi to dekhunga na .. ya tu running commentary sunayegi) Hey it's ok... purana
match hai.

She: Did u feel bad I didn't sing?


(Since it is a tricky question, He thinks for a while)


He: (Bad eh? Crazy girl .. this was the luckiest day in my life, since you didn't sing
) Bad toh main nahi keh raha jaanu. But I want you to be comfortable
first.... tumhi ne bola ki main kal gaaungi..... So, me waiting..
(maine to socha tha ki aaj bach gaya....dhatttt tereki :-( )


She sings 1 stanza from the song

'Jiski aankhon me meri hi nami.....'


He: Wow. Too good!

She: jhoot....mujhe maloom hai ki meri awaaz itni achchi nahi hai

He: ( saamne aa jaa, fir bataata hoon .. pagal kar diya .. chalo shukr hai self realization hai... :-)... ) nahi darling you really
sing well.

She: nahi..mujhe maloom hai tum bas aise hi keh rahe ho

He: ( very good.. aakhir tumne pata laga hi liya.....kyun bhagwaan kyun !! mere saath ye julm kyun ) Cheee! Cheee! teri voice
agar itni buri hoti to main ab tak na sun raha hota

She: Hmmmm...theek hai. good night.. ab tum bhi so jaao..

He: ( achcha mil gayi permission .. waise tera gaana sunne ke baad neend kahan aayegi ab .. ) Good night!

She: Take care

He: You too

She: Hey....

He: ( arrre yaar..aaj ye nahi chhodegi ,,, ) kya hai sweety? .

She: sach bataao honey..meri voice achchi hai ya nahi...
He: ( tu apni voice khud record karke sun kyon nahi leti ek baar !! dimaag ka dahi kar rakha hai .. lassi banaake peeja mere dimaag ki )
sachchi... Of course.

She: sirf jhoot

He: ( iski toh... !! jab pata hai to mujhse kya singing sensation ka award legi !! phata dhol… ) Not at all. You
sing very well..

She: Hmmm.... tum keh rahe ho to theek hi hoga. Good night.
He: Good Night!!

source: funonthenet

India's oldest man dies at the age of 139

Habib Mian, perhaps the longest surviving man in India, passed away in Jaipur on Tuesday at the age of 139.
Born on May 28, 1870, at Rajgarh in Rajasthan's Alwar district, Habib Mian had been suffering from fever and a bout of dysentery.
He had joined the band of the erstwhile Jaipur Royal family as a clarinet player and retired from service in 1938. At that time, he received a pension of just Rs 1.46, which was later increased to Rs 2698.
Habib Mian did not celebrate his birthday this year as he was saddened by the serial bomb blasts in Jaipur on May 13, which claimed 62 lives, according to his grandson Chuttan Khan.
According to Mian's family friend, Rajesh Nagpal, the old man had called him on Monday and said 'Mera samay aagaya hai. Mujhe chod kar mat jana (my time has come, don't leave me at this time)'.
Beside Chuttan Mian and his eldest grandson Mahmood Mian, Habib Mian has left behind 140 grand and great-grand children.
His four sons and wife had died several years ago, Chuttan said.
In 2005, the Limca Book had recorded Habib Mian as the oldest man of Jaipur.
Habib Mian used to draw a pension of Rs 350 from Maharani Gayatri Devi Trust.

source : Rediff

Some Jokes

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

Q: What's the diff between mother wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying the other ensures you continue to do so.

Joke - Must Read

एक दिन , मैं दिल्ली पहुँचा ,
स्टेशन पे एक कुली से बाहर जाने का रास्ता पूंछा .
कुली ने कहा : " बाहर जाके पूंछो ."
मैंने ख़ुद ही रास्ता धुंध लिया ,

बाहर जाके टैक्सी वाले से पूंछा :
" भाई साहब लाल किले का कितना लोगे ?"
जवाब मिला : " बेचना नही है ."

टैक्सी छोड़ , मैंने बस पकड़ ली ,
कोन्दुक्टोर से पूंछा : "जी , क्या मैं सिगरेट पी सकता हूँ ?"
वो गुर्र्रा कर बोला : "हरगिज़ नही , यहाँ सिगरेट पीना मन है . "
मैंने कहा : "पर वो जनाब तो पी रहे है ! "
फिर से गुर्र्र्राया : "उसने मुझसे पूंछा नही है . "

लाल किले पंहुचा , होटल गया .
मेनेजर से कहा : "मुझे रूम चाहिए , सातवी मंजिल पे .. "
मेनेजर ने कहा : "रहने के लिए या कूदने के लिए ?"
रूम पंहुचा , वेटर से कहा :
" एक पानी का गिलास मिलेगा ?"
उसने जवाब दिया : "नही साहब , यहाँ तो सारे कांच के मिलते हैं ."

होटल से निकला , दोस्त के घर जाने के लिए ,
रस्ते मी एक साहब से पूंछा :
" जनाब , ये सड़क कहाँ को जाती है ?"
जनाब हंस कर बोले : "पिछले बीस साल से देख रहा हूँ , यही पड़ी है
... कहीं नहीं जाती . "

दोस्त के घर पंहुचा , तो मूझे देखते ही चोंक पड़ा ,
उसने पूछा : "कैसे आना हुआ ?"
अब तक तो मुझे भी आदत पड़ गई थी ,
मैंने भी जवाब दिया : "ट्रेन से . "

मेरी अओभागत करने के लिए दोस्त ने अपनी बीवी से कहा :
" अरी सुनती हो ... मेरा दोस्त पहली बार घर आया है ,
उसे कुछ ताज़ा ताज़ा खिलाओ . "
सुनते ही भाभी जी ने घर की सारी
खिध्कियाँ और दरवाजे खोल दिए .
कहा : "ताजी हवा खा लीजिये . "

दोस्त ने फिर से बडे प्यार से बीवी से कहा :
" अरी सुनती हो , इन्हे जरा अपना चालीस साल पुराना आचार तो दिखाना . "
भाभी जी एक बाल्टी मे रखा आचार ले आई .
मैंने भी अपनापन दिखाते हुए भाभी जी से कहा :
" भाभी जी , आचार सिर्फ़ दिखाएंगी , चाखायेंगी नही ?"
भाभी जी ने टाक से जवाब दिया : "यूँही अगर सब को
चखाती तो आचार चालीस साल पुराना कैसे होता ?"

थोडी देर बाद देखा , भाभी जी अपने पोते को सुला रही थी ,
साथ मे लोरी भी गा रही थी :
" डिप्लोमा सो जा , डिप्लोमा सो जा . "
लोरी सुन में हैरान हुआ और दोस्त से पूछा :
" यार , ये डिप्लोमा क्या है ?"
दोस्त ने जवाब दिया : "मेरे पोते का नाम ,
बेटी बम्बई गई थी , डिप्लोमा लेने के लिए और साथ में इसे ले आई ,
इसीलिए हमने इसका नाम डिप्लोमा रख दिया . "
फिर मैंने पूंछा : "आजकल तुम्हारी बेटी क्या कर रही है ?"

दोस्त ने जवाब दिया : "बम्बई गई है , डिग्री लेने के लिए

Jai Hind - Happy Independence Day

Happy Independence Day, Today i would like to post a famous peom. Sarfaroshi ki Tamanna is a poem in Hindi/Urdu written by Bismil Azimabadi.

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai
Dekhna hai zor kitna baazu-e-qaatil mein hai

aye watan Karta nahin kyun doosra kuch baat-cheet
Dekhta hun main jise who chup teri mehfil mein hai
Aye shaheed-e-mulk-o-millat main tere oopar nisaar
Ab teri himmat ka charcha ghair ki mehfil mein hai
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

Waqt aanay dey bata denge tujhe aye aasman
Hum abhi se kya batayen kya hamare dil mein hai
Khainch kar layee hai sab ko qatl hone ki ummeed
Aashiqon ka aaj jumghat koocha-e-qaatil mein hai
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

Hai liye hathiyaar dushman taak mein baitha udhar
Aur hum taiyyaar hain seena liye apna idhar
Khoon se khelenge holi gar vatan muskhil mein hai
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

Haath jin mein ho junoon katt te nahi talvaar se
Sar jo uth jaate hain voh jhukte nahi lalkaar se
Aur bhadkega jo shola-sa humaare dil mein hai
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

Hum to ghar se nikle hi the baandhkar sar pe kafan
Jaan hatheli par liye lo barh chale hain ye qadam
Zindagi to apni mehmaan maut ki mehfil mein hai
Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai

Yuun khadaa maqtal mein qaatil kah rahaa hai baar baar
Kya tamannaa-e-shahaadat bhi kisee ke dil mein hai
Dil mein tuufaanon ki toli aur nason mein inqilaab
Hosh dushman ke udaa denge humein roko na aaj
Duur reh paaye jo humse dam kahaan manzil mein hai

Wo jism bhi kya jism hai jismein na ho khoon-e-junoon
Toofaanon se kya lade jo kashti-e-saahil mein hai

Sarfaroshi ki tamanna ab hamaare dil mein hai.
Dekhna hai zor kitna baazuay qaatil mein hai.

Wonderful One Minute... Humor

One smart Software engineer and his Project Manager were traveling towards Pune in a train.

Just Opposite to their seat, a beautiful girl was sitting along with her grand ma.

With in some time, Eye-Eye interactions started between Our Software engineer & that girl.

After some minutes, train started moving in to a tunnel and it was very dark.

Suddenly, every body heard a Kiss sound followed by a sound of slapping.
Every body remained silent, when the train came out of the tunnel.

Grand ma thought that," The Guy is a rogue; how dare he? He has kissed my grand daughter! But my Grand daughter is genuine; she immediately slapped that guy."

PM thought that," I can't believe that this guy has kissed that girl! But it is unfair that she slapped me by mistake"

That girl thought that," I feel happy, when that guy kissed me, but I feel sorry that my grand ma has slapped him".

Finally, do u know what our clever Software engineer thought?

"This one minute in my life is wonderful, it hardly comes...because, at a time I have kissed a girl and also I have slapped my PM."

Nice Story

nice one (got in a mail) :)

As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at anytime, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not.

I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away. "Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away.

They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free." I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they couldn't, they were stuck right where they were.

Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before?